Mother’s Day: Honouring The Amazing Ladies We Get to Call Our Mothers
Today, families across the U.K. had planned to honour their mothers on this Mothering Sunday. However, like a deer in headlamps, the world is staring straight into the face of the coronavirus pandemic. Many families are therefore unable to spend this special day with their mothers. Some may have planned a special meal, taken them out for spa day treats, or even holidays abroad. Sadly, all those best made plans, cancelled.
Today, many families have mothers who are being advised to self isolate, in order to give them the best chance of staying safe, during the coronavirus pandemic. At best, they are resigned to sending flowers and chocolates in the post, cooking special meals to be left at their mother’s doorsteps, and making phone calls in an attempt to show their mothers, that even though they cannot spend the special day with them, they are still very much loved.
Thankfully, as my mother lives with me, I find myself in an extremely fortunate position, as my mother and I get to spend Mother’s Day together. I’m in an even more fortunate position, as my mother never wants for anything. She doesn’t mind that we cannot go out and celebrate. All that matters to her is that we are together, and this is enough for her.
Allow me to introduce this wonderful lady, whom I get to call my mother, Banso. I know it is a cliche to say that one’s mother is the best mother in the world, so I’m not going to say this. What I will say is that my mother is an absolutely amazing lady. She is loving, caring and always has so much love to give, not just to her children, but to her nephews, nieces, their kids and anyone else’s kids for that matter. Honestly, it never ceases to amaze me how much love and generosity she has to give. She will do without if it means she gets to gift to others. And I have to add, my father was exactly the same.
Growing up, my mother always impressed upon us the importance of an education. You see, she is illiterate. She never went to school, and whilst she could read her own language as a child, she lost the ability to do so after moving to England, which she did at the very tender age of 19 years. Imagine moving to a country at such a young age. You know very little about the culture. You don’t know how to speak the language. You certainly don’t know many people, and all you have for support, is your husband. I honestly don’t know many people these days, who would be able to survive this. I know from my own experiences of moving to the Middle East, that it is definitely not easy. However, the biggest advantage I had over my mother, was that I was educated and could at least speak English, and a little French. So it really is commendable how my mother navigated her life for the past 56 years in a country which she now, calls home.
My mother has had a huge influence in my life and career. At every crossroads, she has been there to guide and push me forward. Even when I’ve felt incredible fear and uncertainty about which direction to take, she’s always been there to help me. To say she is my rock, is truly an understatement. In my career, my mother has been the lady who, along with my uncle, introduced me to building works from a very early age. For as long as I remember, my parents would buy homes which could only be described as fixer-uppers. My father would be the instigator. He’d buy the house, sometimes without my mother even knowing……no, I’m not joking!, and then he’d leave it for his brother and my mother to give it a makeover! Memories of my early childhood include my mother with a sledge-hammer in hand, knocking down walls in our houses. Well I guess it’s one way of getting rid of one’s frustration!!
I can assure you, these antics of knocking down walls, wasn’t a one-off! I was 7 years old when we moved house and once again, there she was, knocking down walls. This time, it wasn’t just secondary walls, but a dividing wall in the basement which was holding up two floors above it. Dad had a builder put the structural steelwork in place, and then mum decided she’d do the rest, whilst dad was at work! There she was, literally, single handedly, knocking down the wall! When my cousin, who would have been no more than 13 years old back then, popped in and freaked out at the sight of a demolished wall, her response was to say “well don’t just stand there, help me clear up before your uncle gets back!”. When my father did return from work that day, completely dumbstruck at her antics, the only thing he could ask was “is the house still standing?!”. Unfortunately, I cannot possibly repeat what her response was…….it would make everyone’s eyes water! Needless to say, she was quite unhappy that he’d bought another fixer-upper, and that she was the one who’d have to make it liveable. Of course, it was far from inhabitable, but it just wasn’t to our taste and she wasn’t going to stop until it was, even if she did it whilst begrudging my father for his house choices!!
About 5 years later, my parents decided it was time they built a home in India. So, mum and I, armed with a back-of-a-fag-packet sketch that my father drew of how the layout of the house should be, travelled to India for what was sold to me, as my very first holiday abroad! 9 weeks we were there. Mum, along with another of my dad’s brothers, got to work on building this house. Of course, they didn’t build it themselves, but there she was, handing out instructions, supervising the works, and, quite often than not, telling the builders off for not understanding the complexities of construction! Yep, this tiny little 5 feet, 2 inch, lady was throwing her weight about fearlessly at builders, telling them how it should be done. I have to say, she was right most of the time! Hungry for more, she returned 5 years later to build a house for me!
It comes as no surprise that my mother knew so much about construction. She’d watched her mother-in-law, my grandmother, single handedly build and extend my father’s childhood home. Apparently, back then, the men would travel far out of the cities for work, and it was the norm for the women of the house, to build the homes. My mother also comes from a long line of carpenters. Her father, amongst other things, was a lumberjack. My mother, as a very young girl, would accompany him to work. She’d watch as he’d fell the trees and make use of every single element, learning along the way about how it was all done. Her maternal uncle and cousins were fully fledged artisanal carpenters. She’d watch them carve intricate patterns into wooden doors and case-goods throughout her childhood. It comes as no surprise therefore, that her uncle gifted her a wardrobe, which he had hand crafted and intricately carved himself, for her wedding. To this day, if you ask her, she will recall which trees are best to use for carpentry and case-goods. As for me, well, she loses me at the get-go. I don’t even know the names of the trees in English!
Given the history, it’s no surprise that I chose a career in construction and interior design. It is, without a shadow of a doubt, in my blood! But even more so than that, the biggest influencing factor was that my mother, as a woman, showed me from a very early age, that there was no stopping anyone from pursuing careers, that were predominantly seen as being male dominated. She showed me that with hard work and dedication, I could achieve anything that I put my mind to. Even today, my mother is there, by my side, supporting and encouraging me to aim high. She is there whenever I take a knock, or feel down and disheartened, telling me that it’s OK and encourages me to keep going. She is, my biggest supporter, and I am eternally grateful to have her in my life.
I am sure that there are many mothers out there who are as incredible, if not more, than mine. This year more so than ever, let us all raise a toast to honour and celebrate all the mothers in the World. Let us wish them long, prosperous and healthy lives, full of joys and happiness…………...Mothers, we salute you!